Healing

Just a quick post to share some wonderful news that we received today! As many of you will remember, when we received Sintayehu's referral in March, his bloodwork looked REALLY rough. Our case worker told us that he was so malnourished that they were considering classifying him as a special needs child. His blood chemistry was seriously out of whack and he was dangerously anemic. The first international pedicatrician that we spoke with felt that he was too risky for us to accept his referral, and she said that based on the test results that we had sent to her, he had some potentially big problems. She didn't believe that the anemia was due to the malnutrition, but that instead he was probably dealing with sickle cell anemia and some other things. God showed us clearly that we were to move ahead anyway, which you can read about here. We believed His promises and prayed for His healing.

Anyway, this morning I took a call from the international pediatrician that we took him to last week. His bloodwork looks great! His chemistry is perfect, his anemia is gone, and he does not have sickle cell or anything else that the doctor is at all concerned about. The only thing that we have to treat is giardia (an intestinal parasite that 95% of adopted children from Ethiopia have. Yikealo had this too, back in the day. In retrospect, we should have been praying that away as well!) We are so thankful, and so in awe of our Jesus!

Here's a photo that shows just why we are so appreciative of Hannah's Hope and the wonderful care that S received there:

The left side shows him on his first day at HH. He was thin, sick and lethargic. The right side shows him the week after he arrived at our home. He left the transition home a happy, well-fed, energetic little boy. It is amazing what a difference a few months can make!

In Pursuit of Peace...

I'm learning a lot from attempting to parent 2 boys. Namely, I'm learning how much I don't know, and that more often than not, I am dealing with less than 1/2 of the information when trying to make a decision. My boys are constantly trying to get me to "choose sides" in their little battles, and most of the time, there is no way for me to know the whole truth. Sintayehu can't communicate verbally in English yet, and my Amharic is very limited. Our language barrier destroys his ability to share "his side" of the story, so I have to make out what I can from the volume level of the shrieking and the little that I've been able to glean of his personality thus far: he is the world's bossiest little kid, he thinks that everything that is within a foot of his body belongs to him, and he absolutely DOES NOT like it when he doesn't get his way....(insert screaming temper tantrums here!) Yikealo, on the other hand, is perfectly capable of sharing "his side" of the story, but I also have to take into account what I know about him: he is normally truthful, but does occasionally lie when he's afraid of getting into trouble, he is currently being a bit manipulative in trying to get what he sees as his equal share of my attention, and although he really does love his little brother, he is feeling like his world is still a bit upside-down, and is acting out accordingly.

Then there's the fact that all of us see our circumstances through the lenses of our past experiences and our emotional make-up. Both of my boys have a messy, scary, sad side to their past, and they are dragging that along with them into every single situation. Add that to the fact that sometimes they simply don't hear what is actually being said because of what they are thinking about, or they base their actions not on reality but instead on what they want to see. Take this example from this morning: Yikealo had just finished his breakfast and asked if he could go play. I said, "No. Right now, I want you to go to the basement, get 3 word cards and write out a sentence. When you're done writing, I want you to take a shower and then make your bed." He said, "Okay," and left the kitchen. Moments later, I heard the sound of Legos clicking together from the direction of his bedroom. I went to check up on him, and he was sitting on the floor with his box of Legos between his knees, starting in on his next creation. I stood there slightly dumbfounded.
Me: "Yikealo! What did I just ask you to do?"
Y: "Take a shower."
Me: "No...I asked you to go to the basement, get 3 word cards, write a sentence, THEN take a shower and make your bed! What are you doing!"
Y: (in a bewildered voice) "But you said that I could play for a little bit first!"

HUH?????? Nowhere in that list of commands did I tell him that he could play for a little bit first, but he was completely serious. Now, it is clear to me that what Yikealo WANTED to do was play for a little bit first, and therefore, he was listening to me with only half an ear at best. He was thinking about playing instead of hearing what I said. He heard that he was supposed to shower, but he completely blocked out the task that he hated the most (sentence writing) and just inserted his own wishes instead.

Then there's the whole topic of forgiveness over the many real or imagined slights that occur between the two of them every single day. We had the ugliness of grudge-holding played out for us first hand the other night. The boys had been in the basement playing with the train set for quite some time, when suddenly, we heard Sintay wailing in fear and anger. A quick look into the situation revealed Yikealo standing in front of the basement door, blocking his little brother from getting out. Y was reprimanded and S was rescued. Over the next hour, Yikealo seemed very out of sorts. He was belligerent when we asked him a question at supper, he mouthed off to his Daddy, and he pouted. It all came to a head when  we happened to see him (completely out of character, I might add) yank Cleo's tail as she walked by him. He ended up in the corner for a bit, while Sintayehu shouted unintelligible things at him from the booster seat. I took Yikealo into his room for some privacy, sat down with him on my lap, and gently asked what in the world was going on. After stalling for a bit, he broke down and the whole story came pouring out. When they had been in the basement, Sintay had taken one of Yikealo's cars and added it to his own train. It understandably made Y angry, but instead of forgiving his brother and moving on, he decided to hold a grudge, which made him act out in very unusual ways. After we prayed together, asking God for His forgiveness, I asked Y to go give S a hug and tell him that he was forgiven. Sintayehu had absolutely no idea why his big brother was suddenly giving him a hug....he had forgotten all about the train incident....but we immediately saw a change come over Yikealo's countenance. He was back to his normal, happy self, and he told us that he felt much better. David summed it up very well when he told Yikealo that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

I was thinking about all of this as I showered this morning and realizing how often I do the same things. I base my thoughts and actions on what I WANT to think and do rather than on the truth.  I'm not always as quick to forgive as I need to be. My deep thoughts were interrupted by more shrieking from Sintayehu. He sounded mad,..not hurt or sad. Yikealo was doing some sort of repetitive humming.....and that was all the information that I had. I was dripping wet behind a shower curtain, and there was no way that I could see what had transpired before the screaming began. My first thought was a defeated sort of groan in my spirit: "NOW what is going on? Who is in the wrong THIS time," and then I was struck with a thought that I truly believe was from God. "It is not your responsibility to take sides on this. They are both your boys, and they are both wrong at times. It is your job to love them equally, and to teach them how to love each other in spite of their differences." I smiled up at the ceiling and calmly called Yikealo into the bathroom.

Me: "Yikealo, when Sintay starts screaming like that, it is probably time to re-evaluate your actions and see if you are doing something to make him angry. If you are, then it's time to apologize."
Y: "Okay!"
He ran happily back out of the bathroom, and giggles were soon pealing from the direction of the living room. Ummmm....yeah....so that one was probably Y's fault, but as usual, there's no way to know for sure.

Here's what I do know though: taking sides usually isolates me from one of my sons for awhile, so if there is a way to avoid that, I'll take it. I want them both to know that they are valued and wonderful in my eyes. I want them to be corrected rather than simply punished when they are in the wrong. More than anything, I want them to understand how special they are to God and how much He loves them. I want them to realize that even when I can't see the whole picture, God can. When one of them is twisting the truth into his own "side of the story"or when one of them is screaming because he hasn't gotten his way, God knows exactly what has taken place, and He can see perfectly through their motives and into their hearts. He will ALWAYS guide them to make the right decision if they stop for a bit and simply ask Him for direction. When one of them chooses to forgive his brother who has wronged him, his relationship with God will be strengthened, as will the bond between the brothers.

Once again, God is teaching me so much more in these moments than I could ever teach my children....and I cannot begin to say how thankful I am for His patience with me as I learn! 

Things We've (Hopefully) Learned This Week

• To Sintay: You WILL end up in the time-out chair (just like yesterday) if you bite your big brother again. Mommy WILL make you apologize again, no matter how much you dislike doing so.

• Just because you emphatically shake your finger and say "No!" when Mommy tells you that Daddy and Yikealo are hers, just like you are.....does not mean that you and Mommy are actually the only two people in this family.
• If you cover your uneaten pasta with a napkin and say, "Mommy, pasta yedlem" (all gone), you will not get away with it, because Mommy is not as dumb as she apparently looks. (How in the world did we get one child who refuses to eat meat and one child who refuses to eat anything else once his meat has been snarfed down?)

• The best way to make friends with a grumpy old cat is NOT to fling a plastic fireman's hat over her head and then pelt her with small stuffed animals. She will probably hiss at you, and then you will be terrified of the "Meow."

• If you throw small bits of salmon onto the floor while eating dinner, the two resident felines will begin circling your chair like sharks, hoping for more treats. You will not like this arrangement, since you are frightened of the Meows (see above). The rest of the family will not like it either, as they will have to put up with repetitive howling from you and the cats.
• Even if you shriek like a banshee when Mommy washes your hair in the bathtub, you will inexplicably love running the freezing garden hose water over your entire head. You will also repeatedly dive under the water in the wading pool.

 
 

•  To our neighbor Maria: It does not help your 2-year-old recently adopted Ethiopian neighbor learn English if you shout "Hola!" in his ear over and over while he is riding his tricycle. In fact, it may induce him to kick you.
•  To Yikealo: If, while your little brother is still strapped into his booster seat eating breakfast, you bring the three toy mekinas (cars) that he has claimed as his to the table and start playing with them in his sight but out of his reach....he WILL start wailing again, and Mama WILL get annoyed with you.
• To Daddy: Just because you tell your new son that you are going to lay down with him at bedtime does not mean that he will accept this arrangement. When he says, "Ayedellem! Mommy alga!" (No! Mommy bed!), he does, in fact, mean that he will cry until Mommy takes pity on him and replaces you in his bed.
• To Mommy: when your new son gives you his first completely unprompted hug and kiss and says, "Mommy, awedashallo" (I love you) in your ear, you will utterly melt.

• God made little boys so completely precious when they are sleeping...no matter how tired you are of them shrieking and fighting and taunting and biting, one look into their peaceful, cherubic, sleeping faces will ensure that you will be more than willing to get up and do this all over again tomorrow.

On Luggage

I've been surprised at how many people have asked about our luggage. Apparently, we left you hanging with our spotty posting in Ethiopia for which I profusely apologize. Let me recap the timeline:

1. 10-10:45 PM 6/19 - stand at carousel looking for luggage
2. 10:45-11:15 PM 6/19 - work with Ethiopia Airways representative on our lost Lufthansa luggage (yikes...).
3. 11:15 PM 6/19 - assured that luggage would be on tomorrow's Lufthansa flight LH598
4. 9:30 PM 6/20 - call Bole airport, assured that LH598 has landed but since the system is down representative could not confirm arrival of luggage. Recommended to come to airport
5. 9:50 PM 6/20 - arrive at airport. LH598 has not landed. It is delayed.
6. 9:50-11:15 PM 6/20 - drink buna bu'wetet (coffee with milk) and play Civ Revolution on my i-Phone while waiting for flight. No estimate on arrival.
7. 11:15 PM 6/20 - return to hotel sans luggage as there is no information on when to expect flight LH598 and no way to let Larisa know what is happening
8. 11:25 PM 6/20 - get halfway to hotel and return to airport for a more important guest
9. 11:55 PM 6/20 - finally get back to hotel
10. 12:00AM 6/21 - medicate self to counteract buna bu'wetet
11. 8:30 AM 6/21 - call airport to ensure luggage has arrived. System still down. Instructed to come in
12. 8:50 AM 6/21 - arrive at airport, clear security at doors and again at the baggage claim. Representative instructs me to look for the luggage myself (unclaimed luggage area roughly 25' high by 60' long by 15' deep)
13. 9:00 AM 6/21 - find my luggage
14. 9:30 AM 6/21 - return to hotel
15. 10:00 AM 6/21 - delight Sintayehu with lots of new toys and snacks
16. 10:15 PM 6/21 - receive phone call from airport indicating that they have our luggage...and we can come pick it up at the airport. Ummm....no, you don't, because we've had it in our hotel room for over 12 hours now!

Thank you all for your donations and prayers.

New Brothers

 

 

Things are going amazingly well around our house, in spite of two take-charge, attention-loving little boys trying to find where they fit in the new family dynamics. Essentially the situation is this: Yikealo is a 2nd child by birth, who became an only child for three years, and has now become a big brother. Sintayehu is a first-born only child who has suddenly been thrust into the role of baby brother, and he doesn't necessarily like it! He is also one of the bossiest little people I have ever met, and Yikealo doesn't take real well to being bossed...so we've definitely had our share of little melt-downs from Mr. S!  We'll probably be keeping our distance from people for a little while, until S has figured out that the four of us are a family and that he and Yikealo are equal in our eyes. We definitely don't need to load down his little world with lots of other unknown kids at this point.

Having said that, we've had a lot of fun too. Sintay (as they nicknamed him at HH) has a big, loud personality, and he loves to joke around. He also loves to imitate others, which Mr. Y is finding to be quite fun. I asked Yikealo this afternoon what is his favorite thing about having a little brother. His response? "Teaching him to belch." (How in the world did I, of all people, get stuck with gross little boys, anyway?!) I asked what his least favorite thing was, and he replied, "Teaching him to be good, because being good is too boring." I think I'm in for a long summer! ;-)

Right before we left for Ethiopia, Yikealo drew this picture for me:

He described it this way: "This is you and Dad kissing, and there is a heart beside you. Down here, in the corner, are me and Ty going "BLECH!!" Sure enough, on our first morning at home, David and I were kissing in the living room, while both boys shouted "BLECH!! at the top of their lungs. It's good to know that some things havn't changed, although apparently, kissing each other is just fine!

Right now, we're all just trying to catch up on sleep and find our equilibrium, but things are looking very promising! Here are a couple of photos of our new little guy to enjoy in the meantime...

 

In Our Arms!

We made it to Addis safe and sound; there is really nothing to say about the peculiar time vortex of international travel that seems to simultaneously fly by and last forever. My theory is that it converts your energy into distance so that you are left drained on the other end.

Unfortunately, our luggage is in parts unkown. When we arrived at the Bole airport in Addis Ababa we sailed through customs only to stand staring at the baggage return carousel for an hour. We have been assured that our luggage will come in on the same flight this evening, arriving in Addis at about 9:30 Wednesday evening. We shall see.

In better news, all of our adoption related activities have gone well today. We met Sintaheyu (sin-TIE-you) this morning around 8:00. While he didn't come running to us as some other families have experienced, he did insist that Larisa pull up a chair at the table where he was eating breakfast. After breakfast we headed out for our appointment with the US Embassy. The "appointment" involves putting your name in a queue with a couple hundred other people and waiting for your name to be called. Once we were called, the discussion lasted about 3 minutes, and I was torn between relief and disbelief at the amount of resources necessary to facilitate that 3 minute meeting.

We are now back at the hotel and having lunched and napped, Sintayehu is ready to be entertained (keep in mind all his toys are somewhere in the air over the Mediterranean Sea). Currently he is pretending that our rolling carry-on bag is a mekina (car), and he and Larisa are making seal and sheep sounds at each other... two... more...days...

Clearance!!!

We learned yesterday morning that our case has been cleared by the US Embassy, and we leave for Ethiopia on Monday afternoon! We will take custody of our little S on Wednesday, which will also be the day of our visa appointment with the Embassy, and we will be leaving Ethiopia for home on Friday night. We have over 30 hours of travel on our way home (UGH!), and we will be arriving back in Cleveland around 10 PM next Saturday, June 23rd if all goes well.

Please pray for all of us: for Yikealo, as this will be his first experience being away from us for an extended time, for James and Susan's family as they watch our precious oldest son for the week, for David and me as we get ready to face jet-lag and emotional overload, and especially for S, as his entire world is about to be turned upside down once again. Pray that our great Father will heal his broken, confused little heart as he becomes part of his new family.