Saturday, June 27, 2009

On Carseats (Car seats? Car-seats?)

Possibly, we thought it would install itself. Maybe we can blame this all on remembering that we needed to install our carseat after taking our Ambien in hopes getting one last good night's sleep. Regardless, we have met our Waterloo; colectomy? you ask --no problem. Adoption? Yes Lord. Nursing Home Auxiliary garage sale? Cake. Car-seat...melt down.

I should have seen this coming; I am, after all, an engineer... though not mechanical. Are not mothers simply an older version of the females who ignored our existence at college? Why should they not be forced to pay? They can ignore us no longer... we laugh (maniacally). Let's see... how can we make this more difficult? Junk design - check. Obtuse terminology - check. Oh, get this: let's combine the reference manuals for all our models into one single document and ship it with all our products (giggle)!

So I find myself at 11:00 PM the night before we leave for Ethiopia looking at the "all in oneder" super model car seat that is good for any child from 3 ounces to 250 lbs and is configurable for all target users (somewhere my mother-in-law is laughing). Must.... try... to... understand... chinglish... instructions.... through... Ambien....

Instruction One: you MUST place your child in the carseat before installation in order to adjust to the appropriate size. Ummm.... Yi-ke is in Ethiopia. I MUST install the car-seat before leaving for the airport so I don't get arrested on my way home... this is what I MUST do. Obviously I'm dealing with amateurs. As a conscientious systems analyst I know that we must account for all possible usage scenarios. The car-seat instruction writers never even considered we would have this abomination and not have a child... how sophomoric!

Grab cat. Place in car seat. Position as child. Get hissed at. Cat escapes while I'm adjusting the shoulder harness... rats.

I am getting very sleepy.......

Morning finds our intrepid hero victorious over the vile beast from Carseat. I'd get into more of the exciting adventures, but did I mention we're leaving this morning to meet our son?