Ethiopia - Trip 2: Meeting Missionaries (June 21, 2012)

Two months ago today, we arrived in America with the newest member of our family...and I STILL haven't finished blogging about our trip to Ethiopia! Anyway, here's an account (finally) of our 2nd day there.

When Sintayehu woke up on Thursday morning, he looked around quietly for awhile, staring solemnly at us with those huge eyes of his, and then he snuggled up against me and was all smiles. We got dressed and headed downstairs for breakfast, where Sintay ate 4 sambosas, a roll, a hard-boiled egg, a piece of French toast, yogurt, porridge, and fruit. The kid was definitely into exploring all of his options! Afterwards, we played in our room for awhile until David headed back to the airport to search (again) for our lost luggage. Sintay and I went outside to walk around and chase a ball back and forth.

Thankfully, David returned fairly quickly with our luggage in tow. Yay! So much fun new stuff to explore with our little guy: toys, books, balloons, snacks and clothes galore. After rooting through all of the suitcases and consolidating the donations for HH into 2 bags, we went outside to play with the new loot. Michael A and Alaysia were outside walking around too, so we gave Michael's aching back a bit of a break while Sintay "shared" (in the most loose definition of the term imaginable) his balloons and bubbles with Miss A. She was starting to adjust a little bit to her new environment and wasn't crying constantly for the first time in several days. Poor little girl....the changes are SO difficult for these sweet children....especially when they don't have any way of expressing themselves and their fears.

In contrast, Mr. S was taking everything in stride. We were absolutely shocked at how well he did with us. I remember telling David in Ethiopia, "This is making Yikealo's adoption look hard...and I didn't think that was possible!" All I can say, Michael and Mindy, is that God must have known that you could handle more than we could....or something! We were so thankful that S was adjusting beautifully, but it was hard not to feel guilty too, when we looked into your worn-out, exhausted faces.

When we went inside for lunch, we met our first missionary family of the day. Brittany and Ian Bentley had just moved to Addis a few days prior, and Michael and Mindy had brought over some items for them. We had also brought some items to Ethiopia for E, an Ethiopian friend of ours....and in a God-ordained set of circumstances, E just happened to be the Bentley's driver for the day as they scoured the city looking for housing! We were able to give E the items that we had JUST retrieved from the airport that morning, and we were also able to give him a book of photos for Yikealo's birthmom. We had tried in so many ways to arrange to meet her on this second trip, but God had other plans. Maybe someday we'll know some of the reasons, but at least for now, Mihiret will have about 300 photos of her son's life over the last 3 years. As we ate lunch, we were able to talk to the Bentley's about their new ventures in Ethiopia. Their little girl and Sintayehu shared french fries, E shared some new information about Y's birth family, and we all rejoiced in meeting some English-speaking friends on the other side of the world. You can follow the Bentley's journey at steadfastlove.org.

After naps and more play time, we met our second missionary family over dinner. Before we left for Ethiopia, David had been e-mailing Allen and Susan Stoller over the possiblity of meeting up while we were in Addis, and the Stollers had arranged to come to our hotel for dinner that evening. Allen and Susan are in Ethiopia working with Loving Shepherd Ministries in combating the sexual exploitation that runs rampant in Addis Ababa. You can read about their work at Loving Shepherd and at Sharing Hope with Hearts. We had a wonderful evening sharing food and stories and discussing the difficulties of moving to a third-world country with one of the world's top-5 most difficult languages. We had asked Michael and Mindy and the R family to join us, so we had quite a table-full!

The R family was just getting ready to head back to the US with their sweet girls, Esther and Emma. Emma and Sintay had spent a lot of time together at HH, being the youngest two of the "older kids" and it was good to be together during their last moments in Ethiopia.

After finishing dinner the Stollers wanted to wait for the streets to clear somewhat before heading home, so after bidding farewell to the Rs, the rest of us went to our room to continue our conversation.

The thing that I remember the most from that night was a story that Allen related. A few months before, when they had gone out on the streets in one of their rescue missions, the counselors had stopped to talk to a young prostitute. They told her that although they would not use her "services" they would pay her for her time if she would just come talk to them. She agreed and eventually shared her story with them. Several months before, she had become pregnant by her boyfriend. When she learned that she was carrying a child, her boyfriend left, and her family kicked her out....not wanting to take on yet another mouth to feed. She had been wandering the streets for several weeks, pregnant, alone, and afraid....trying to find enough work to stay fed. In desperation, she had finally turned to prostitution. Here's where the story gives me chills: the night in question was her 2nd night in her new "profession." The first night had not yielded any customers, and the counselors were actually her very first "clients." Instead of taking her up on what she had planned to offer, however, these people took her to a safe place where she heard the gospel message, and learned that God had other plans for her life. Today, she is a believer, and is supporting her new child by productive, legitimate work. She has a support network and a good life....all because there were people willing to step out of their comfort zone and listen to the call of the Holy Spirit on one dark night in Addis.

"And of some have compassion, making a difference: and others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire..." Jude 22-23

May each of us be open to His voice and ready to reach out in His name.

Glasses and Twists

Both of my boys are sporting a new look this week: Yikealo just got his first pair of glasses and Sintayehu has his hair in twists.

We learned last week at the eye doctor that Yikealo is nearsighted, and over the course of the week he has gone from his initial disappointment to being ecstatic over the fact that this is just one more way to be like Daddy. When he first tried on the frames last week, his response was, "I look stupid." I asked if he thought that his daddy and I look stupid when we put our glasses on, and he said that we didn't. I said that although he looked a little different, he certainly didn't look stupid, and his mood improved a little. I told him that I had been six when I got my first pair of glasses too. By the time that David came home last night toting the new specs, Mr. Y was VERY excited. He put them on right away and ran around the house and yard exclaiming over the things that he could see. Then he did the next important thing: claimed a spot on the bookshelf for his glasses case....right next to Daddy's, of course. This morning when I told him that I wanted a photo of him in his glasses, he also insisted that I take the following pictures that show him "being just like my Dad."

Sintay's hair is a MUCH different texture than Yikealo's, and it is also much dryer. I have to moisturize it several times a day, which gets a little harder to keep up with as it gets longer. Over the weekend, I decided to put it in twists. It takes awhile, but his very kinky hair will hold the style for a few days. The good thing about it is that the twists hold the moisture into the strand of hair for a longer period of time and when I take them out, his hair looks really healthy. He loves it, and wants to keep looking at himself in the mirror while running his little hands all over his head and giggling. If anything, it makes him look even more ornery, don't you think?

Oh yes, and since the rest of us now wear glasses, guess who thinks he needs to wear his "ga-shashes" constantly too?

Last Week of Summer Break, First Day of School

It's hard to believe that our summer break is over, but indeed it is. We tried to fit some extra fun in last week before school started up again.

We met some cousins at the park:

Four little Ethiopians

Notice how Erica's 6 children are smiling nicely, and my 2 are not...

Loving on Shana...

Sintay loved playing with Mimi in the pool.

 

Jalen

Jordan

We went to the zoo:

Sintayehu was absolutely GLUED to the monkey enclosures. He also loved the "ephalants" and begged to see them over and over.

We enjoyed time at James and Susan's:

We stomped around in Mommy's shoes after church:

I'm pretty sure that nothing looks more ridiculous than a 3 year old in a pull-up and high heels....especially when he is chasing after a ball with his brother.

We read lots of books together and checked off the last boxes in Y's summer reading flyer from the Library. His name was drawn for the grand prize, and he won a $25 Target gift card!

So, yesterday was our first day of school. We are homeschooling again, using the same program that we used last year. Mr. Y is a first grader now....I can't believe it! Our first day went great: he said at one point, "Mom, first grade is WAY better than Kindergarten!" His favorite subjects from the day were language arts and art.....hmmmmm.....maybe a child after my own heart??

The Cocoon and Other Bits & Pieces

I'm pretty far behind on posting, and eventually, I hope to finish blogging about our second trip to Ethiopia, but life has been a little hectic lately. Overall, things are going relatively well, but we're all still trying to catch our breath and find our place in the new family dynamics. About 2 weeks ago, life at our house took a turn for the better when Sintayehu decided that Ababa really was an okay guy. That means that David can now help out a bit with feeding him, lying down with him at bedtime, and staying with him while I run errands. It has been a tremendous blessing, although S still prefers me most of the time. We've also ventured out of the cocoon a few times, with somewhat mixed results, so we are heading back in for awhile longer.

What is "the cocoon" anyway, you ask? Well, bringing a former orphan into your home is different in some ways than bringing home a biological child. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby - which teaches him that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God's very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will ultimately give children a trust for and empathy towards others. Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. The good news is that as Sintayehu's parents, we can rebuild attachment and help him heal from these emotional wounds. Over the last month, absolutely everything in his life has changed: the faces, the language, the smells, the surroundings, EVERYTHING. He not only has the overwhelming task of learning about his new environment, but he also has to learn just what it means to be part of a family. He's had a mommy before, so he knows how to respond to me, but he's never had a daddy or a brother, and we've had our challenges in how he responds to David and Yikealo. Also, orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are "very friendly" but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. Until the last week, Sintayehu has been very "stand-offish" with new people (which is GOOD), but in the last  few days, we've noticed some new, disturbing tendencies to get way too close to new acquaintances way too soon. For us, that means it is time to withdraw back into the safety of  "just us" in our little home....until it becomes clear again that he is establishing a healthy bond with the 3 of us. For another excellent point of view on bonding and attachment, read this.

So anyway, while we're staying put, I'll entertain you with a few excerpts from our life lately. First of all, we've learned that Sintayehu LOVES baby dolls. We think that he probably misses all of the babies at Hannah's Hope. My mom got him the cutest little doll for his birthday, which he named "Baby Danny." Danny was the name of one of his good buddies from HH. Now Baby Danny accompanies us pretty much everywhere. He eats with Sintay, sleeps with Sintay, and goes potty with Sintay. It IS pretty cute to watch him loving on his precious Baby!

 

Last night when I was lying down with Yikealo and David was dealing with a screaming melt-down from Sintayehu in the living room, I asked Y what he thought about having a little brother. He paused and said, "Well, it's not super-good yet, but I'd say we're half-way there!"

The other night at supper, Yikealo suddenly stated, "Mom, you are VERY intelligent!" Before I could feel too flattered by his compliment, he added, "What does 'intelligent' mean anyway?" David responded, "It means that she's really good at kissing." Thank you so much, Dear, for telling our total flirt of a son that intelligence can be measured by ability to kiss! Probably not your best idea!

Y spent a good part of Tuesday afternoon drawing pictures on large poster boards. Here are a couple of them for you to enjoy:

This is our family. I apparently have a pin-head, but he did a very nice job on David's glasses! He informed me that "Sintay is mad because he has to hold my hand instead of yours." Nice....antagonizing the little brother even in drawings.

This is God, surrounded by hearts. The curved lines going up from his shoulders are wings. David's comment: "God has a comb-over....who knew??"

Y also insists on wearing a pair of David's socks around the house on many days. I asked him this afternoon why in the world he thought wearing such huge socks was a good idea and he replied, "Because they remind me of Dad when he is not with me. I think of him whenever I feel them on my feet. Besides, I can use them to do good ninja moves!" Yeah....somehow, I think that his second reason is the accurate one.

Sintayehu has taken to whispering in my ear MANY times every day, "Awedahahlo Yikealo!" (I love Yikealo!) I would feel good about this if it weren't for the fact that he also says, "Awedahahlo mekina!" (I love the car!) and "Awedahahlo shint!" (I love pee!) just as often. We're trying, with a modicum of success, to get him to understand that we do NOT say "I love you" about anything except for family and God right now. Ah yes, the beauty of a language barrier. Why is it, exactly, that little boys (regardless of culture and ethnicity) find such humor in discussing bodily functions anyway?