I recently came across a scrapbook page that I did over 5 years ago after watching my sister and sister-in-law with their children at Christmastime that year. At that time, my views on motherhood looked like this:
"I have to admit that I don't ever remember having the desire to become a mother that most women seem to have. Maybe it's simply that I'm too selfish, but I love the feeling of being responsible only for myself, and I find the truly selfless attitude of the young mothers around me amazing. Motherhood will sit on an uncomfortable stairway while the rest of the family is celebrating Christmas Eve - just to make sure that the child is falling asleep upstairs. Motherhood will hold and console a cranky child for hours if necessary. Motherhood gets more excited about the child's new teddy bear than about her own Christmas gifts. I don't want it for myself, but I truly enjoy watching this miraculous thing called motherhood."
Okay, so it's no secret that my feelings have changed rather drastically during the last year, but those of you who know me realize that those changes didn't come easily. I gave into God's call to motherhood under duress and only after arguing vehemently with Him first. I remember a phone conversation with a close friend a few weeks after we brought Yikealo home, during which I said, "I still don't understand why so many people WANT this! Life with a child isn't BAD at all, but it's certainly not BETTER than what David and I had before, so why does everybody seem to have this great "need" to become a parent? I'm just not understanding why this is so desirable." She wisely told me that I "just hadn't gotten to that part yet" but that I undoubtedly would before too long. She was right of course. Today I can honestly say that I adore Yikealo more than words can express, and I love being a mother. He brings so much joy into our lives, and I cannot imagine my existence without him.