New Numbers, Our FDL, and other Adoption Information

Our waitlist numbers for the month of January are #78 for a girl and #59 for a boy. We've officially moved 12 spaces on the girl's list in the last 2 months and 4 spaces on the boy's list.

In other news, I forgot to mention our wonderful Christmas Eve surprise: we received our FDL in the mail that day - only 9 days after our fingerprints were taken up at the Cleveland USCIS office! To remind those of you who are not in the adoption world, USCIS stands for "United States Citizenship and Immigration Services" and FDL stands for "Favorable Determination Letter." Basically, USCIS takes a look at our homestudy, collects a whopping fee, takes our fingerprints, and forwards a "these people are okay to bring an immigrant into the country" letter to the US Embassy in Ethiopia. We were really excited that we got our clearance so quickly after our prints were taken. Then, on New Year's Eve, we learned that as of January 1st of this year, Ethiopia has started requiring the FDL to be part of the actual dossier. Our dossier hadn't been authenticated yet, so early last week, we had to have a copy of our FDL notarized, (promising that it was a "true and accurate copy" of our original FDL) and then sent of to our agency to become part of our dossier.

This seems like a good time to do another explanation: What is a dossier, anyway?? Well, it's essentially a collection of documents that is sent to the foreign country to explain who we are as a family, and it is used to make sure that we are eligible to meet the adoption requirements of that country. In our case, our dossier includes the following:

• 2 signed and notarized Power of Attorney forms, giving Almaz (the director at Hannah's Hope) the authority to match us with a child, have all of the medical examinations performed on that child, make any legal arrangements necessary, and bascially facilitate the entire adoption on our behalf. One of these POA forms must also be county and state certified (attached to a sealed document from the Clerk of Common Pleas of the county in with the notary has his/her commission, stating that the notary's signature is genuine, and also a sealed document from the Secretary of State, stating that the Clerk of Court's signature is authentic.)
• a signed and notarized letter to MOWA (the Ministry of Women's Affairs) in Ethiopia, giving a brief explanation of our family and our reasons for wanting to adopt a child from Ethiopia.
• signed and notarized copies of our US passports - one for David, one for me.
• 2 passport-style photos of both David and me.
• Color photos of our family and home. We had to have one photo of David, one of me, one of the two of us together, 2 of our family, photos of the front and the back of our home, and several photos showing the interior of our home. Due to cultural differences, we had to ensure that there are NO pets in these photos.
• an official notarized copy of our home study report, with a copy of our agency's license attached.
• signed and notarized letters from our employers, stating the length of our employment and our annual income.
• a signed and notarized financial statement for the household, including a list of assets, insurance coverage and income.
• certified copies of the birth certificates of both of us.
• certified copy of our marriage license
• a medical form for each parent, stating that we do not suffer from any infection or "mental inferiority" that would hinder our ability to parent a child. The doctor's signature must be notarized on this.
• a criminal check for each parent, stating that we are clear from any past criminal history. The person who completes the background check must have his or her signature notarized.
• 2 signed and notarized letters of recommendation - one from a family member and one from a friend - recommending us as parents of an Ethiopian child.
• a signed and notarized "Post-Adoption Commitment" letter, promising to meet the country's requirements for post-adoption reports on the child. Ethiopia requires 3 reports during the child's first year home, and then once a year until the child reaches the age of 18. These reports must include a description of the child's physical, mental and emotional development, a description of his/her relationship to the family and community, explanation of major events that have affected the family and/or the child, and recent photographs of the child.
• and now, a signed and notarized copy of our FDL

Whew! To further complicate things, the powers that be in Ethiopia see the expiration of the notary's commission to be the expiration of the document signed by that notary. That means that we always have to use a notary whose signature doesn't expire for 12-18 months - otherwise, we would have to redo these documents at some later date in order to complete the adoption. Once the dossier has been approved by our agency, they send it off to the US State Department in Washington DC to be "authenticated"  (basically bound together with a cover letter to the government of Ethiopia.) This is then sent back to our agency in Oregon, who then forwards it to the AGCI staff working in Ethiopia. Once we are matched with a child, our entire dossier must be translated into Amharic and matched up with our child's history in order to be used in the court process. If it all sounds long and complicated, that's because it is...but it's so worth it in the end. Because of a little time and effort on our part, a needy child somewhere can have a home and a family!

Speaking of Ethiopia, we celebrated Ganna, or Ethiopian Christmas last Friday evening. We dressed in our Ethiopian garb, listened to some Amharic music and ate injera and shiro. I will say that the onion that I chopped up for the shiro was the MOST powerful onion that I've every encountered. We were all crying for well over an hour, and Yikealo was NOT impressed with the way his eyes were burning. He asked if we could please "go somewhere to eat our injera and shiro next time - like we did that other time? Mom, they make it better than you do!" That's probably true - or at least we don't have tears running down our faces at the restaurant!

 

Speaking of Coveting...

In my last post, I described my conversation with Yikealo about his post-Christmas attitude, and how we shouldn't always be thinking that we need more stuff or wanting what others have. While I realize that we all struggle with this at times, Yikealo and his cousin Zavier seem to take it to a whole new level when they are together. They love spending time with each other, but they are constantly fighting over the most ridiculous things! I mean, seriously, do these items look like "treasures" to you?

Well, let me assure you that two 4-year-old boys certainly thought that they were treasures. In saying that, let me explain several things: first of all, my parents have raised 5 kids and frequently take care of multiple grandkids. There is NOT a shortage of toys in the house. For crying out loud, my Mom still has toys that SHE had as a little girl, not to mention the thousands (literally) of other toys and games crammed into drawers and boxes and cupboards and closets all over the house. Secondly, Yikealo and Zavier don't actually PLAY with the items in question; instead, they are used solely for the purpose of taunting the other. For example, Yikealo would thrust the "sword" in Zavi's face and say something like, "Zavi, I have the sword. Ha ha!" which would, of course, cause Zavi to start screeching that HE wanted the sword. You get the picture.

So, on Wednesday, the sought-after item was this three-inch plastic sword.

Now, maybe it's just because I'm a girl, but I really don't get the appeal. It's not like you can actually use it for anything, right? (Other than taunting, that is.) Anyway, after we had listened to the bickering for quite some time, David removed the wonderful sword to the top of the refrigerator where neither Y nor Z could reach it.

On Thursday, they both had to have this horrible stuffed snake:

You're kidding, right? Not only is it ugly, but it's about a million years old, the thread is looping out of its right nostril in a disturbing way, and the stuffing is all bunched around inside, leaving certain areas strangely limp. It DOES make a keen whirring noise when you swing it around your head, but come on! Needless to say, the snake was also removed to the top of the refrigerator.

On Friday, it was the yellow plastic pliers (or "tweezers" as Zavi calls them.)

Now, I will grant that toy pliers could serve some purpose, but really, with the HOST of other toys around, are these really fight-worthy? What about them just screams "I HAVE to have that!!" to you? After some ear-splitting yowls from the boys, Casey (Zavi's mom) decided to set the timer for two minutes at a time, so that they could take turns holding the pliers. Once the reason to argue was removed, both boys lost interest fairly rapidly and ran off to play hide and seek. Apparently, however, Mr. Y hadn't completely forgotten the precious bit of yellow plastic, because at some point he managed to sneak them upstairs and "hide" them under his blankets - just so that he could wave them in Zavi's face first thing on Saturday morning. At that point, the pliers were also removed to the top of the fridge.

So, we're up to Saturday morning by now, and my Mom was busy completing last-minute preparations for the entire family to descend upon the house within a few hours. The noisy boys got sent off to the basement to play, with many injunctions to "STAY AWAY FROM THE PRESENTS!!!" A few minutes later, Zavi came back into the family room with an utterly dejected look on his face and asked Casey, "Mom, how old am I?" Casey looked confused and said, "Four. You know that." Zavi looked very relieved and replied, "Well, Yikealo said that I couldn't play with anything because I'm not four." Then he ran excitedly to the steps and called, "Yikealo, my mom said I'm four!" I made Yikealo come upstairs and asked him why he'd told Zavi not to touch any of the toys. Yikealo's response? "Well, I didn't think he was four." I asked what that had to do with anything. Yikealo replied, "I thought that he would make a mess." I gave him a little lecture about the fact that he was NOT the boss, and if he couldn't be nice to his cousin, he was going to be standing in the corner for awhile. The two boys headed back to the basement and peace reigned for a few moments...

...until...

...they came back upstairs arguing over whose turn it was to hold a ping-pong ball (or "pinkle" ball, as Yikealo calls it.) Never mind the fact that there were many other "pinkle" balls in the basement - this particular one obviously had special powers. Or something. Anyway, my Dad went to the basement to get balls for Zavi and Lexie too, since Yikealo was refusing to give up his right to "the one." You would think that if each of the kids was holding the same type of ball that they would stop fighting, right? Not so. About a half hour later, Yikealo and Zavi were playing tug-of-war over one of the balls on the staircase to the upper floor. David was heading down from our upstairs bedroom, didn't see Zavi and tripped over him, sending him tumbling down 2 or 3 steps. Zavi started wailing, and David (who had obviously had ENOUGH) put the offending ball down on the hard floor and stomped it to bits. He then calmly picked it up, walked to the kitchen to throw it away and told my Mom, "I owe you a new "pinkle" ball."

And lest you think that Zavi is always the victim, on Friday evening, about 45 minutes after we had put Yikealo to bed, some kids started shrieking from the other room. My brother Seth went to investigate and found a sobbing Zavi, who told him that "Yikealo just pushed me!" Seth informed him that Yikealo was sound asleep upstairs. Oops! Seth returned to the dining room with a little smirk on his face and said, "Hmmm...I wonder if ANY of the things he tries to blame on Yikealo are actually true?"

So, to all of you parents of multiple children...is this what my life is going to be like continually when we bring a second child into the home? If so, how do you keep from going insane? Is it that they're just so cute?

 

Back to the Routine

The past two weeks have been crazy and fun and full of family, presents and noise. We spent 3 days and nights at David's parents' house with his whole family over Christmas and then last week we were at my Mom and Dad's place for five days and 4 nights. It has been great, but I'm glad to get back to my ordinary, everyday life too! Here's a quick blitz through some of the highlights of the last few weeks:

Lunch at Miss Molly's Tea Room with all of the M family girls - Grandma Alma treated us all and it was such a fun afternoon!

 

 

David wanted to start a new tradition of sleeping by the Christmas tree on the night before we opened our presents, so on the Wednesday night before Christmas, we did just that. A certain 4-year-old was just a little too keyed up about the whole experience, and was awake at 1:00 AM begging to open his presents. He stayed awake until sometime around 3:00, when we decided to give him a dose of Benadryl, which made him sleep until around 8 o'clock. At 7:30, while David and I were having our morning devotions by the light of the tree and a dimly lit lamp, he gazed lovingly down at our sleeping son and said, "At 3:00 this morning, I was convinced that we would never do this again, but right now I think it's a fabulous idea!"

 

After Yikealo opened his presents, we packed up and moved into Mom and Dad M's house for the remainder of the weekend. We had a marvelous time playing games, singing, having great conversations and eating lots and lots of good food. Yikealo had the chance to sleep in the basement with all of his boy cousins, which he thought was just great.

Notice the truly lovely face that Mr. Y is making in this photo. That's pretty much what we get if we tell him that we want to get his picture. Here are some other gems that he insisted on showing us:

 

 

 

There was an absolutely gorgeous snowfall on Christmas Eve, so after dinner on Christmas day, the kids all had a great time playing outside in the snow. When they came in, they were soaking wet, so some of them ended up wearing some interesting combinations to open presents. Here is our annual "grandkids" photo:

On Wednesday of last week, we packed up again and drove to Mom and Dad W's house, where we had several long, relaxing days. On New Year's Eve, Mom had a birthday party for my brother Doug, my sister Erica and her husband Chris, all of whom have birthdays in December.

On New Year's Day David and I celebrated our 16th anniversary, and my family also celebrated Christmas. Everyone came in time for lunch and later that afternoon after naps for the babies, we opened the mountain of presents. There are 14 grandchildren - ages 9 and under (with three of them not even 1 yet) - so things can get fairly chaotic at times, to say the least! Here's a picture of the whole family:

Lots of presents:

 

Zavier, Ashton and Malia in their new dress-up clothes: (You can tell that these kids belong in our family - we spent HOURS playing dress-up when we were little!)

 

 

David and Yikealo enjoying a little quiet time:

 

We played lots of games: Quirkle, Five Crowns, Settlers of Catan, and Pictionary.

All in all, it was a fantastic Christmas, but like I said earlier, it's good to be back to our version of normal. On Monday morning when he came to wake me up, the first words out of Yikealo's mouth were: "Mom, are we done with Christmas, or do I still get to open more presents?" He pouted briefly when I told him we were all done, which gave me a good chance to talk to him about some imporant things like being thankful, not coveting, and thinking of others. We counted up the presents that he's received from teachers, grandparents, cousins and us this year - somewhere around 15. Then we talked about how his birthmom and his new little brother or sister in Ethiopia probably didn't even have enough to eat while he was opening so many presents. I think that I got through, because when I was done talking, he looked at me and said, "You're right, Mama - I DON'T need anything else. Who should I give my stuff to? Should I give it to Quinn?" I told him that he didn't need to give away his new things, but that he needed to have a thankful attitude and that he should always be ready to share what he has. We'll see how long that lasts...

Game Recommendation

We had two extended family Christmases this past weekend, and Yikealo received a new game that I am highly recommending for those of you with small children: Richard Scarry's Busytown Eye Found It game.

 

Cousin Quinn spent the night with us last night - Yikealo's been begging for him to stay over - and this game kept those two boys ENTHRALLED for a good 2.5 hours this morning. The best part was that I even had fun playing it with them. Games like Chutes & Ladders or CandyLand (both of which Yikealo loves) are about enough to send me over the edge, but Busytown is a definite keeper. You play as a team, so you either win or lose as a group - which is another great thing when you are playing with two EXTREMELY competitive 4 year olds. Quinn, being the youngest of four children, usually resorts to his fists to solve disagreements, while Mr. Y tends toward excessive tattling and pouting if he's not getting his way. Needless to say, we had a lot of discussion this morning about teamwork: "Hey, teams do not fight! Teams work together to solve problems. If you two don't knock it off, the pigs are going to win!" By the end of the 7th (yes, you read that right - the 7th!) game, they were quoting me, "Remember, teams work together! Let's kick those piggies' tails!" Great, great choice, Aunt Julie!

 

Playing House with a Fighter-Mighter

I was informed today by the boy that he is a "fighter-mighter." What? You mean you don't know what that is? Well, neither did I, but Yikealo explained it this way:

Y: "You have to wear the right stuff, like a backpack, and gloves and boots and a fire hat. And you have to have a bear-n-arrow."
Me: "Oh, I see...but what does a fighter-mighter do exactly?"
Y: "Well, sometimes they climb mountains and stuff. And they shoot stuff. Oh, and they certainly rescue people."
Me: "They certainly do?"
Y: "Of course."
Me: "Hmmm...well it sounds like a dangerous job. What kind of things do you have in your backpack?"
Y: (pulling out a tape measure) "Sometimes you have to measure people." (binoculars) "These are to help me see better." (hammer) "This is for pounding nails." (saw) "This is for cutting logs so we can make hot-dogs."
Me: "Oh, you cook for the people that you rescue?"
Y: "Yeah, because sometimes they are very hungry, and they always like hot dots."
Me: "Interesting."
Y: "Now I need to go outside to see if there's somebody what needs rescued."

 

When the fighter-mighter came back inside, he had decided that he wanted to be a Dad instead, and I was his baby. I happened to be lying on the sofa at the time, so I figured that I'd play along.
Y: "Child, it is time for bed. Would you like me to get a drink for you?"
Me: "Sure, and then why don't you come snuggle with me?"
Y: "That's what I'm going to do. You don't need to be afraid, okay? Daddy's here." (snuggling in beside me and patting me on the head.) "Do you have your diaper on?"
Me: "No."
Y: "Child, are you a boy or are you a girl?"
Me: "I'm definitely a girl."
Y: "Well then, you need a printheth (princess) diaper, because girls always like to wear a printheth."
Me: "Oh they do, huh?"
Y: "Yes. Child, are you dancing from foot to foot? Because if you are, that means you need to go potty."
Me: (laughing) "It sounds like you've heard that a time or two."
Y: "Okay, Child, now it's time to wake up. You need to learn your shapes and colors, but first, I need to go work at the sink. Then I will help you."

So, is that what I sound like to him? And honestly, what DID I do for entertainment before this kid?

In other news, we had our fingerprinting appointment at USCIS on Wednesday afternoon, so that step is completed. Now we just wait for our favorable determination letter. Once we receive that, we will actually be eligible to accept a referral, although more than likely it will still be months before we learn who our child is. I think I've mentioned this before, but if this adoption were following the same time-line as Yikealo's, we would be bringing our son or daughter home in less than two weeks! Our process this time around is really making me aware of just how crazy fast Yikealo's adoption was.

God must have known that Cleo couldn't have waited even a day longer for her Fighter-Mighter to rescue her.

 

The Coveted Bear-N-Arrow and "Boss" of the Cats

Last night was the Sunday school Christmas program at church - Yikealo's first "performance." When I was growing up, my family had the tradition that if we did a good job in our program, we got to open one of our Christmas presents afterward, so David and I decided that we were not above the same type of bribery.

Weeks ago, while looking through a toy catalog, Yikealo excitedly informed us that what he wanted for Christmas this year was a "bear-n-arrow" (bow and arrow, for those of you who actually know how to pronounce things) and he has not stopped talking about it since. So, the Cyber Monday deal on the Vision Forum website had a toy crossbow marked down 60% to $12. I happened to have a coupon for $10 off any purchase from Vision Forum, so I spent around $7 for the bow and shipping! Yay - you've gotta love deals like that. Since it didn't really fit in with our traditional frankincense, gold and myrrh themed gifts, we thought it would be the perfect "program" present.

Yikealo was SO excited to get dressed up and go sing his Sunday school songs last night - he made us turn off our Christmas music in the car on the way to church so that he could "practice some more." He was a very good little boy, thankfully, in spite of the fact that he is on two different cough medications that both have the unfortunate effect of making him EXCEEDINGLY hyper. Besides, he looked rather adorable in his new Christmas outfit.

After church, he opened his present, and we had a hard time getting him to go to bed after he saw what was in it. Of course, Daddy was pretty excited too, and confided to me that he wishes that HE had one just like it. I have a feeling that my boys are going to be getting plenty of target practice in over the next few days.

 

All I can say is that the resident felines had better watch out. Yikealo has recently "discovered" Cleo, and insists on dragging her around the house, much to her dismay. Whenever we see her skulking around the house with her tail tucked between her legs and her belly low to the ground, darting under the closest piece of furniture, we know that Yikealo is lurking somewhere nearby! When he catches her, he holds her down on his lap with one hand, and repetitively scritches between her ears with his other hand, while she yowls pitifully. He's not actually hurting her, but we can't make him understand that she is not interested in his ministrations.

 

 

Along those lines, I overheard this conversation last week:
David: "Yikealo, could you please come give the kitties some more water?"
Y: "Why?"
David: "Because it's your job, and I asked you to. You need to listen to your Daddy."
Y: "Okay, but Dad, I've got a great idea. How about if you be the boss of me, and I will be the boss of the cats?"
David: "Why do you want to be the boss of the cats?"
Y: "Because I want to make somebody hafta listen to me."
David: "Unfortunately, I don't think that will really work."
Y: "Why?"
David: "Because kitties usually listen even less than little boys do. Watch this: 'Frankie, come here!' (long pause) See? She doesn't listen anyway. Being the boss of the cats would not be very satisfying at all."
Y: "That's not fair! Why do I gotta listen all the time and they don't?"

So, dear reader, any suggestions on explaining that one?

Okay, off to get my hyper kid down for a nap. He's driving me just a little crazy today, in case you can't tell. A while ago, I asked why he was being so wild today, and he shrugged and said in a very matter-of-fact voice, "Sorry, Mom, but that's just the kind of little boy you got." Then he told me that it was really "George's fault, because HE started it." This is the same child that informed me last week that he was trying to "get some sleep, but I cannot, because George is jumping on the bed and blowing in my ear." Can you say "active imagination?"

A Prayer Request, New Numbers, and a Strange Medical Finding

Hi again! One of these days we'll actually get back into the groove of posting more often, but you know how life is. We do have a very important prayer request for all of you though: my sister-in-law Casey (my youngest brother Seth's wife) has been in the hospital over the last few days following some stroke-like symptoms, some seizures and a horrible migraine. She has been through a whole bevy of tests, and the neurologist can't find anything wrong, so she is currently diagnosed with a "very complicated migraine." Obviously, it has been very scary for all of us. She is only 21 years old, and she and Seth already have a lot on their plate. Seth is in his 4th year of pharmacy school as well as working as many hours as possible to support their family. They have 3 small children and they live about an hour away from their extended families. Casey's been told that she may not be able to drive again for a year due to the seizures that she had, so that further complicates everything. Please pray for them: for Casey's healing, for their strength, for Seth's last week of school before Christmas break to go smoothly, for their finances, and for their children. God is faithful, and prayer is so important! Here are some pictures of their family: (Zavier, their oldest is 4 and is one of Yikealo's good buddies, Lexie is 2, and smiley Baby Drew is 6.5 months)

In other news, we recieved our new waitlist numbers today: we are now #84 for a girl and #62 for a boy. Not a lot of movement yet, but that's okay. It will all happen when it's supposed to!

We've asked our case manager to check into the possiblity of us being able to meet Yikealo's birth family when we travel to Ethiopia on our first trip, and she did find out for us that Y's older brother is still in our agency's sponsorship program, so they do have some contact with them. We ask for your prayers in this matter too - that God will give us wisdom to know how to proceed and that he will open the necessary doors for us to meet Mihiret and Edil if possible.

Speaking of Yikealo, he has had a nasty, croupy cough again during the last few days, so I took him to the doctor today for some prescriptions. Our regular pediatrician was off, so we saw a different doctor who pointed out to me that my son does not have a uvula (that little flap of skin that hangs down in the far back of your mouth.) She said that while she doesn't really know about Ethiopia, she used to work with a number of refugees from Somalia, and it was common for them to remove the uvula of an infant shortly after birth! I was very surprised that after all of the different doctor's appointments that we've been to, no one has every mentioned this to us, but there you have it - just one of the many possible bits of random information that you can come across as an internationally adoptive Mama!