Then and Now

I work for a few hours a week at the family furniture store. I am responsible for some of the buying as well as the design of the showroom floor, and for the most part it fits nicely into my busy mommy life. I choose my own hours, rarely get questioned about my decisions, and can take my boys along with me to work on some days. One of our upholstery vendors does their own furniture show in Fort Wayne, IN twice a year. We nearly always attend this show: this company is our top vendor, so it is very important for us to see what they are doing. They pay for a hotel room and give us meal vouchers for a number of great restaurants in the Fort Wayne area. In addition, it is close to where I grew up and we can generally see some family, so David and I have usually made a mini-getaway out of this trip. Having just returned, I've been struck by how much our life has changed over the last couple of years.

It used to look something like this: The three hour drive was filled with romantic music and reading to each other. We had riveting discussions about our jobs and the vacations that we hoped to take. Our evening meal was long and leisurely, and we NEVER worried about how much food we had left over. We smiled benevolently (and let's admit it, somewhat condescendingly) at the way James and Susan would have to rush through dinner because their kids were begging to swim. We would offer to take care of their bill so that they could hurry to the pool for a few minutes before their tired and whiny children needed to be put to bed.  Then, the two of us would order coffee and dessert and gaze into each other's eyes across the table. After dinner, we would enjoy a quiet, romantic evening together. The following day, we'd spend a couple of hours at the furniture show and then take off for a day of shopping, visiting chocolate shops and coffee houses, holding hands and revelling in each other's company. We'd blow hundreds of dollars on new clothes for the season and not think anything of it. Hadn't we earned this? I did work in a fashion industry, after all, and it was important for me to appear trendy. Monthly budget? What's that? We're not in debt and we have the money, so let's spend it.

Enter these two:

Now our trips look a bit different. I still read to David as we drive west, but I also spend time in the backseat of our (gasp) minivan doing Phonics or Language Arts with Yikealo. Sintayehu interrupts every couple of seconds to thrust one of his earbuds at me so that I can hear what he's listening to on his (it used to be mine) i-Pod shuffle. For dinner, we choose the quiet hotel restaurant, rather than the crowded, trendy one where we used to eat. We spend our time shoveling bites into the boys' mouths, asking the waitress to please bring extra napkins, telling Sintayehu to use his inside voice, to stop pretending to be a jack-in-the-box, and for heaven's sake, STOP crawling on the floor and eating the french fries that you dropped! Now we obsess about how much food is left (WHY didn't we just order one meal for the boys to split?) and we box up the extra and order a refrigerator to be delivered to our room. We KNOW about those starving people in Africa now, and there is no way that we can let that much food go to waste, regardless of the fact that we aren't paying for it anyway. We take one child out to the restroom, only to have the other shout "Kaka! Shint" across the restaurant upon our return. We cringe and glance around at the other diners with chagrined looks on our faces. Now we're the ones to rush through eating so that we can get to the swimming pool before bed. James and Susan, on the other hand, are having a leisurely, romantic dinner at the cool, trendy restaurant....having left all four of their children at home with family, so that the kiddos don't miss any school. How times have changed!

While we all change into swimming gear back at the room, we try our best to keep our sleep-deprived, hyper children from disturbing other hotel guests. They are bouncing off the walls after having been cooped up in the van and at the restaurant for so long, jumping back and forth between the beds, shouting and wrestling around on the floor. Eventually they both end up in time-out chairs while we threaten them with loss of pool-time if they don't shape up. We spend 45 minutes or so down at the pool, exhaustedly watching the boys splash each other delightedly. It's closing in on 9:00 and we're worn out. What in the world happened to that cool, young couple that would stay up past midnight, enjoying the romantic atmosphere and each other's company? Forget romance....we just want to sleep.

Back at the room, we shower and lotion the boys and get them into their PJs. Sintay's a bit out of sorts....it's way past his bedtime, and he's in a strange place. We try to put the boys together in one of the beds, but it quickly becomes clear that there is no way that is going to work, at least not until they're sleeping. David and Yikealo take one bed, while Sintay and I take the other. He whimpers and asks about his house, and I tell him that we'll see his house again tomorrow. That calms him down, and before long, his sweaty little body is whiffling away against my chest. We move the boys together into their bed, read one more chapter in our book and fall asleep before 10. We are awakened 8 or so times during the night by Yikealo talking in his sleep, or Sintayehu's gruff, bear-like snoring, or by the boys tossing and turning. At least 3 times, I get up to move them back onto their own sides of the bed. How in the world do little kids get into this many different positions while they sleep anyway?

In the morning, after some wake-up snuggles, I head out to the furniture show with James and Susan while David takes two pajama-clad boys with matted bed-head down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. (Let's just say that if I had been around, there is NO WAY they would have gone into public looking like that.) Then, tragedy strikes: the ceiling in the pool area is being repainted and the pool is closed, leaving some very disappointed little people. No problem....David makes do with a "swimming" party in the hot tub for an hour, while they all breathe in paint fumes. Fabulous.

We have planned on spending the rest of the day with David's brother Mark's family, since they live about 15 minutes away from where we are staying. Sintayehu has not met their family before this trip, so it will be a great time to introduce him. Our sister-in-law Julie meets us at the hotel with her youngest Reed, and the boys have a great time running around while we finish repacking. She wants to show us their favorite coffee place in the city, so we head out to get our morning joe.

Upon entering the coffee house, it becomes clear that once upon a time, we would have loved this place. Funky chairs in every shade of bright paint, bins full of bulk coffee beans from all over the world, hip young people hanging out with their laptops or notebooks, lingering over their enticing beverages and chatting, while the dark, beguiling scent of rich black brew permeates the air.....but I digress. This is now our reality: as we go inside, we get "those" looks. You know the ones I mean, from those people without small children. The looks that say, "Oh great, our peace is about to be interrupted. The "cool" vibe just went down substantially and maybe we ought to get out of here quickly." We try to ignore them while our six-year-old grabs a handful of coffee stirrers and inserts them under his upper lip in an attempt to be either a saber-tooth tiger or an elephant, I'm not sure which it is today. Our three year old is wiggling frantically in my arms as I try to figure out my order, making demands in his foghorn voice. I order a tall raspberry mocha and a lime sugar cookie, which causes a full-out temper tantrum from the three-year-old, because I will not just hand the entire crumbly cookie over into his sweaty little paw. I'm in full mama mode, juggling a hot cup of coffee and a struggling toddler, breaking off pieces of sugary sweetness to stuff into his mouth, all while hunting through my cavernous bag past sippy cups and pull-ups for my wallet. David, meanwhile, is completely ignoring his charge (the saber-toothed elephant is now dancing wildly around the room) while he pores over the tempting bins of whole beans, trying to make a decision on what type of coffee to buy. I get Sintay situated at a small table with the cookie, but he just whines for coffee. (This child is Ethiopian, after all, and he LOVES coffee.) I give in, because I'm getting a little tired of the withering glances from the other patrons. Anything for some peace and quiet, except now we'll be dealing with a caffeinated whirling dervish....wonderful. David has ordered his drink and is waiting for the barista to bag the whole beans. The drink is handed off to Yikealo, which of course has disastrous results, since he attempts to drink the steaming liquid through his "teeth/tusks". It's much too hot for this, and he ends up spilling coffee all over the table. While I'm cleaning up Y's mess, Sintay yells that he has to go potty.

As we leave, I feel like I've been wrestling an octopus, and the relief of the other customers feels palpable. For a moment I miss the old days....but then I look down at the happy faces of my little boys, overjoyed by their time with family, and I think, "I wouldn't trade this for the world." We won't be shopping on this day...our monthly clothing budget was spent on new socks, underwear and jeans for Mr. Y, and our "fun" budget was spent on a trip to the zoo earlier this month. Besides, we could never justify that type of expense anymore. Instead, we'll be having a simple lunch with family, and visiting the children's home where Mark works so that our boys can see the piglets, goats and cows that are being raised there. I don't want my old life back (okay, to be totally honest, I might feel like trading a few hours now and then) because I love the life I have now. A line from a Sara Groves song runs through my head: "And the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned..."  and I smile up at the sunshine. It's going to be a good day.

Amusement

Over the last few weeks, we've done lots of school, met friends from Texas, gone to the zoo and the fair, had picnics, and started wearing warmer clothes. We've also heard some fun statements from our boys (mostly Yikealo, of course!) Here are a few of the recent bits of amusement, interspersed with photos from our adventures:

During Phonics, Y was supposed to use the word "have" in a sentence. His sentence was, "I HAVE a bronze cheerleader." Huh? How does my 6 year old, home-schooled son have any idea what a cheerleader is, let alone a bronze one? Should I be worried about this?

We visited my sister's family and spent some time with their good friend Ginny and her sweet son Stone, who was  adopted from Hannah's Hope at the same time as Jordan and Jalen. We also discovered all over again that it is impossible to get a good picture of 9 kids. 



In Science, we used a balance and gram cubes to measure the mass of various objects: paper clips, pennies, pencils, etc. When David came home, Yikealo proudly told him that a penny was "10 graham crackers." David looked fairly confused...

5 little Ethiopians

I had nearly had it with both boys one day. They were fighting continually, and I had a splitting headache by mid-morning. David texted me at one point to ask how my day was going, and I went off about the behavior of the kiddos. David called to tell Yikealo that if Y REALLY wanted to be just like Daddy, then he needed to treat me like a queen. Later that afternoon, Yikealo gave me a huge hug and said, "You are the bestest, wonderfullest Mama I could ever have. Is that treating you like a queen?"

First fair ride ever for Mr. S



Some neighbors have two dogs in their yard: a yappy little terrier of some sort and a huge, silent Great Dane. While we were walking past one evening, Sintay waved to the canines and shouted out, "Hi Dog! Hi Horse!"

Yikealo's prayer one night: "Help Mama to be warm and snuggly tomorrow and help that Dad would lose the hairiness and boniness from his body and be more snuggly like Mama." Hmmmm....Mama is probably not gonna second that prayer...

While the boys were playing happily together, Yikealo shouted across the house in a rather surprised sounding voice, "Hey Mom! This is really fun, having a brother around! I actually LIKE sharing my toys with him!"

Sintayehu's favorite pair of underwear features Buzz Lightyear prominently displayed across the rear. While he was wearing them, David referred to him as "Buzz-butt." Now S is convinced that is Buzz's actual name. Yesterday he was looking at a Toy Story book and proudly pointing out "Buzz-butt's ball, Buzz-butt's mekina (car), Buzz-butt's Ababa (father)." Imagine how pleased he was to discover that Yikealo has an old "Buzz-butt" costume!

This, I kid you not, was one of Yikealo's questions to David at bedtime: "If somebody had a long rope and they tied a chicken to it and threw it to the sun, could they cook the chicken and then pull it back and eat it?" Where does he come up with this stuff?

Yikealo had awakened before Sintay and was in our bed for some snuggles. David told him to turn his back to me so that the three of us could "be spoons." Yikealo wanted to know where Sintay would fit when he woke up, and then he quickly answered his own question: "I know! Sintay can be the fork!"

The "fork" with his cousin Jalen

Mr. Y emerged from his bedroom dressed for the day and asked, "So, Mom, do I look nice in this? Or do I look like an utter cow?" I think that I need to rephrase some of my Sunday morning questions to David....someone is obviously listening in a little too closely.



Yesterday in his writing practice book, Y needed to finish the following: "She has short hair. I have ______hair." He chose the word "boingy." When I asked if "curly" might not be a better choice, he responded, "No, because if I had a bug in my hair, he could just go boing, boing, boing, and my hair would be sort of like a trampoline for him." There you have it....the definition of "boingy" hair.

In his journaling notebook, Y had the sentence starter "If I could fly..." Here is his completed thought: "If I could fly I would want to be a bold eagle. I woud hav loing weings. I would not haft to licin to my mom and dad." Nice....methinks someone was a bit bitter about being forced to write sentences.

Ethiopia - Trip 2: Last Day in Country (June 22, 2012)

During both of our adoptions, I found our last day in our childrens' birth-country to be so bittersweet. I'm not much of a world traveler, and after a few days of worrying about unsafe water, I am READY to be back in the good old USA! At the same time, I have such a great love for the beautiful country of Ethiopia, and there is a part of me that longs to be back there. On this trip, we were aching to see Yikealo again, which made us that much more ready to get back home, and yet I don't know if my words can ever really do justice to the painful experience of how it feels to rip a child away from everything he has ever known. Inside, I was weeping for Sintayehu while I was rejoicing for myself.

This was a pretty relaxing day for the most part. We had been told that someone from HH would bring Sintayehu's visa to the hotel around 11:00 am, but in typical Ethiopian fashion, that didn't actually happen until about 2:30 pm. While we waited, we played in our room, did some shopping at the little "store" inside the hotel lobby, and spent a lot of time talking to Michael and Mindy while Sintayehu and Alaysia played outside together.

Danny, the HH driver showed up while we were eating a late lunch of french fries. Since we had picked up our luggage the day before, we had 2 suitcases full of donations for HH. We also had lots of photos to give to the special mothers and the rest of the staff, so we asked if I would be able to take a quick trip back to the transition home with Danny. We had thought that David would stay back at the hotel with Sintayehu, so as not to confuse him by taking him back to the special mothers. However, trying to explain our thoughts to Danny proved to be a bit much for the language barrier! He called back to HH to get permission to bring all of us back, and then told us all to follow him out to the van. We let it slide, because I was pretty sure that Sintay would do fine. As we've explained before, the Ethiopian people are very friendly....especially with children....and his reactions to the hotel staff all week showed us pretty clearly that he was starting to feel attached to us. When a smiling Ethiopian would come up to him and try to talk to him or touch him, he would jerk back, shrug them off and cling to me, hiding his face against me. Sometimes he would tell them his name when they asked, but more often than not, he would hide behind me and ignore them.

He certainly didn't ignore Danny though! He didn't want Danny to hold him, but he definitely liked giving out orders to him! While Danny waited on us to finish eating, Sintay commanded him to sit down and eat, handing him one french fry after another. When we got in the van, Sintay started yelling out commands, one after another in Amharic, while Danny laughed and translated: "He is telling me, 'Be very careful! Drive slowly! Go very very fast!'" Mr. S kept up his steady stream of demands all the way to HH. When we arrived, he jumped out of the van and ran to show his new shoes to all of his friends. They were all so happy to see him, of course, and we enjoyed seeing the older kids again. While I was handing out photos to the various staff members, Sintayehu marched around saying goodbye....but he wouldn't let anyone touch him unless I was standing right beside him or holding onto him too....another good sign that he was feeling attached to us. These people had been taking excellent care of him for 4 months, but he was all about Mommy.

 Saying goodbye to his buddies

 Checking out photos on the i-phone

 Sintayehu with Tsige. She is the Intake Coordinator at HH, the expert on each child's story. It is she who completes the research on each child, and interviews and photographs their birth families when they come to Addis for court.

Sintay with Haile, our Case Processor. Haile accompanied us to court on our first trip.

Soon, we had said our final farewells and were climbing back in the van for the last time. Back at the hotel, we asked for a 7:00 pm check-out, and while Sintay napped, the A family moved their luggage down to our room for the last few hours....their flight left around the same time as ours, and there was no sense in paying 2 late check-out fees! We spent our last few hours showering and changing into clean clothes for the LONG trip home, repacking everything, and eating one last dinner at the Riviera. At 7, we headed down to the lobby, where we waited for our shuttle to the airport.

Our shuttle was about 30 minutes late, of course, but we sailed through airport security and ticketing with no problems whatsoever, and ended up with over 2 hours to sit and talk with the A family. The time flew by, and before we knew it, we were hugging them goodbye and promising to pray for each other's safe travels. We walked through more security checks, and at 10:30, we boarded our Lufthansa flight to Frankfurt and settled in for the first leg in our LONG trip to America. Hurrah! Only 32 hours to Yikealo!

Ethiopia - Trip 2: Meeting Missionaries (June 21, 2012)

Two months ago today, we arrived in America with the newest member of our family...and I STILL haven't finished blogging about our trip to Ethiopia! Anyway, here's an account (finally) of our 2nd day there.

When Sintayehu woke up on Thursday morning, he looked around quietly for awhile, staring solemnly at us with those huge eyes of his, and then he snuggled up against me and was all smiles. We got dressed and headed downstairs for breakfast, where Sintay ate 4 sambosas, a roll, a hard-boiled egg, a piece of French toast, yogurt, porridge, and fruit. The kid was definitely into exploring all of his options! Afterwards, we played in our room for awhile until David headed back to the airport to search (again) for our lost luggage. Sintay and I went outside to walk around and chase a ball back and forth.

Thankfully, David returned fairly quickly with our luggage in tow. Yay! So much fun new stuff to explore with our little guy: toys, books, balloons, snacks and clothes galore. After rooting through all of the suitcases and consolidating the donations for HH into 2 bags, we went outside to play with the new loot. Michael A and Alaysia were outside walking around too, so we gave Michael's aching back a bit of a break while Sintay "shared" (in the most loose definition of the term imaginable) his balloons and bubbles with Miss A. She was starting to adjust a little bit to her new environment and wasn't crying constantly for the first time in several days. Poor little girl....the changes are SO difficult for these sweet children....especially when they don't have any way of expressing themselves and their fears.

In contrast, Mr. S was taking everything in stride. We were absolutely shocked at how well he did with us. I remember telling David in Ethiopia, "This is making Yikealo's adoption look hard...and I didn't think that was possible!" All I can say, Michael and Mindy, is that God must have known that you could handle more than we could....or something! We were so thankful that S was adjusting beautifully, but it was hard not to feel guilty too, when we looked into your worn-out, exhausted faces.

When we went inside for lunch, we met our first missionary family of the day. Brittany and Ian Bentley had just moved to Addis a few days prior, and Michael and Mindy had brought over some items for them. We had also brought some items to Ethiopia for E, an Ethiopian friend of ours....and in a God-ordained set of circumstances, E just happened to be the Bentley's driver for the day as they scoured the city looking for housing! We were able to give E the items that we had JUST retrieved from the airport that morning, and we were also able to give him a book of photos for Yikealo's birthmom. We had tried in so many ways to arrange to meet her on this second trip, but God had other plans. Maybe someday we'll know some of the reasons, but at least for now, Mihiret will have about 300 photos of her son's life over the last 3 years. As we ate lunch, we were able to talk to the Bentley's about their new ventures in Ethiopia. Their little girl and Sintayehu shared french fries, E shared some new information about Y's birth family, and we all rejoiced in meeting some English-speaking friends on the other side of the world. You can follow the Bentley's journey at steadfastlove.org.

After naps and more play time, we met our second missionary family over dinner. Before we left for Ethiopia, David had been e-mailing Allen and Susan Stoller over the possiblity of meeting up while we were in Addis, and the Stollers had arranged to come to our hotel for dinner that evening. Allen and Susan are in Ethiopia working with Loving Shepherd Ministries in combating the sexual exploitation that runs rampant in Addis Ababa. You can read about their work at Loving Shepherd and at Sharing Hope with Hearts. We had a wonderful evening sharing food and stories and discussing the difficulties of moving to a third-world country with one of the world's top-5 most difficult languages. We had asked Michael and Mindy and the R family to join us, so we had quite a table-full!

The R family was just getting ready to head back to the US with their sweet girls, Esther and Emma. Emma and Sintay had spent a lot of time together at HH, being the youngest two of the "older kids" and it was good to be together during their last moments in Ethiopia.

After finishing dinner the Stollers wanted to wait for the streets to clear somewhat before heading home, so after bidding farewell to the Rs, the rest of us went to our room to continue our conversation.

The thing that I remember the most from that night was a story that Allen related. A few months before, when they had gone out on the streets in one of their rescue missions, the counselors had stopped to talk to a young prostitute. They told her that although they would not use her "services" they would pay her for her time if she would just come talk to them. She agreed and eventually shared her story with them. Several months before, she had become pregnant by her boyfriend. When she learned that she was carrying a child, her boyfriend left, and her family kicked her out....not wanting to take on yet another mouth to feed. She had been wandering the streets for several weeks, pregnant, alone, and afraid....trying to find enough work to stay fed. In desperation, she had finally turned to prostitution. Here's where the story gives me chills: the night in question was her 2nd night in her new "profession." The first night had not yielded any customers, and the counselors were actually her very first "clients." Instead of taking her up on what she had planned to offer, however, these people took her to a safe place where she heard the gospel message, and learned that God had other plans for her life. Today, she is a believer, and is supporting her new child by productive, legitimate work. She has a support network and a good life....all because there were people willing to step out of their comfort zone and listen to the call of the Holy Spirit on one dark night in Addis.

"And of some have compassion, making a difference: and others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire..." Jude 22-23

May each of us be open to His voice and ready to reach out in His name.

Glasses and Twists

Both of my boys are sporting a new look this week: Yikealo just got his first pair of glasses and Sintayehu has his hair in twists.

We learned last week at the eye doctor that Yikealo is nearsighted, and over the course of the week he has gone from his initial disappointment to being ecstatic over the fact that this is just one more way to be like Daddy. When he first tried on the frames last week, his response was, "I look stupid." I asked if he thought that his daddy and I look stupid when we put our glasses on, and he said that we didn't. I said that although he looked a little different, he certainly didn't look stupid, and his mood improved a little. I told him that I had been six when I got my first pair of glasses too. By the time that David came home last night toting the new specs, Mr. Y was VERY excited. He put them on right away and ran around the house and yard exclaiming over the things that he could see. Then he did the next important thing: claimed a spot on the bookshelf for his glasses case....right next to Daddy's, of course. This morning when I told him that I wanted a photo of him in his glasses, he also insisted that I take the following pictures that show him "being just like my Dad."

Sintay's hair is a MUCH different texture than Yikealo's, and it is also much dryer. I have to moisturize it several times a day, which gets a little harder to keep up with as it gets longer. Over the weekend, I decided to put it in twists. It takes awhile, but his very kinky hair will hold the style for a few days. The good thing about it is that the twists hold the moisture into the strand of hair for a longer period of time and when I take them out, his hair looks really healthy. He loves it, and wants to keep looking at himself in the mirror while running his little hands all over his head and giggling. If anything, it makes him look even more ornery, don't you think?

Oh yes, and since the rest of us now wear glasses, guess who thinks he needs to wear his "ga-shashes" constantly too?

Last Week of Summer Break, First Day of School

It's hard to believe that our summer break is over, but indeed it is. We tried to fit some extra fun in last week before school started up again.

We met some cousins at the park:

Four little Ethiopians

Notice how Erica's 6 children are smiling nicely, and my 2 are not...

Loving on Shana...

Sintay loved playing with Mimi in the pool.

 

Jalen

Jordan

We went to the zoo:

Sintayehu was absolutely GLUED to the monkey enclosures. He also loved the "ephalants" and begged to see them over and over.

We enjoyed time at James and Susan's:

We stomped around in Mommy's shoes after church:

I'm pretty sure that nothing looks more ridiculous than a 3 year old in a pull-up and high heels....especially when he is chasing after a ball with his brother.

We read lots of books together and checked off the last boxes in Y's summer reading flyer from the Library. His name was drawn for the grand prize, and he won a $25 Target gift card!

So, yesterday was our first day of school. We are homeschooling again, using the same program that we used last year. Mr. Y is a first grader now....I can't believe it! Our first day went great: he said at one point, "Mom, first grade is WAY better than Kindergarten!" His favorite subjects from the day were language arts and art.....hmmmmm.....maybe a child after my own heart??