The thousand-yard stare

David's Dad served as a medic in Vietnam, and he has often described what is known in military circles as the "thousand-yard stare" -- the far-away, unfocused gaze of a soldier who has seen too many atrocities. In Dad's case, it's usually being exhibited by other members of his platoon at one of their reunions, as they talk about the battles they saw and the friends that they lost.

Well, Yikealo has it too every now and then -- that slightly haunted, distant gaze that looks right through us and tells us that he's gone off to another place in his head. I doubt whether he has ever been exposed to a war-zone, although there's no way to know for sure what kinds of horrors he may have seen prior to March. At the very least, I'm sure that there were many times when he went without food. The stare usually happens once or twice a week, and it is almost always followed by him mentioning someone from Ethiopia. This week, David started the whole thing by telling him that Tomas was coming to America. Tomas is a very sweet nine-year old boy that we met at Hannah's Hope, and he was thrilled to meet us, as his new family also lives in Ohio. We've been following his family's blog, and his new Dad and one of his new brothers have been in Ethiopia this week to bring him home. Of course, we've been very excited about it, and David was attempting to explain the situation to Yikealo on Tuesday evening. Since I'm fairly certain that he has absolutely no concept of what "America" or "Ohio" really means, the explanation went far over his head, and all he got out of it was that Tomas was coming to Yikealo's house, and that maybe Yikealo was going to fly on an airplane to see Tomas. Ummmm.....no, actually, to both scenarios. Nice going, Dear.

On Wednesday, at supper, he asked if Mihiret was coming to Yikealo's house. No to that too, bud. Sorry. He seemed okay with that, but was definitely over-reacting to almost everything that evening. He was very hyper, and would start melting down almost immediately if we tried to settle him down at all. While I was attempting to put his pajamas on at bedtime, he was bouncing wildly all over the bed, and when I told him somewhat sternly to sit still for a minute, he started crying again. I picked him up and held him, rocking him back and forth for a bit, and that's when I noticed the stare again. He was looking somewhere far, far away with a very sad look on his face, so I asked him about it: "Sweetie, what's wrong? Are you feeling sad?" It took him a few seconds to come back from wherever he was, but then he nodded and whispered, "Ow." (Yes) I asked if he missed Mihiret, and he said, "Ow" again, and then asked for her photos. We dug them out of the box of mega-blocks for the first time in over a month, and when he saw the album, he grinned and said, "Yikealo do it!" while pointing to the container of blocks. He started looking through the album and kissing her picture, and then he pointed to her hands: "Mom, hands ouchie" and proceeded to fold his hand under in the same position that Mihiret has her hands in most of the photos. We have never mentioned her hands to him, and I did not print out for his album those pictures that show the worst of the disease. It's obvious that he remembers her hands though, and I'm so glad. It tells me that he does remember HER, and it should make her relinquishment of him a bit easier to explain to him as he gets old enough to understand.

David asked him if he'd like to pray for Mihiret and her ouchie hands, and he said yes, so we spent a few minutes asking the Lord to be with her, to provide comfort and healing to her, and to help her get enought to eat. After we finished, Yikealo asked to see his album -- the one of our house -- and he kissed our pictures too. It was time for bed at that point, so he put the two albums away, ours on top of his dresser, and Mihiret's buried under all of the pillows on his floor.

The next morning, when I made his bed, I asked where he'd like to keep her photos. I didn't really want them back in the box of blocks, since he refuses to play with them while her album is in there. We agreed to keep it in one of his dresser drawers, inside the painted box where I store extra buttons. He's been completely fine ever since, but I wonder how long it will be until he wants to see it again....

Of cousins and kitties

Well, we ignored the advice from our agency and took Yikealo to my parent's house over Labor Day weekend...and it went beautifully! Both our social worker and the Family Education Coordinator at AGCI strongly suggested that internationally adopted children should not travel anywhere overnight for at least the first six months that they are home, as it can be too overwhelming and confusing for them. We've thought, though, that Yikealo has been doing great. He seems very attached and secure with both of us, and I really didn't think that he would worry that we were giving him up to someone else, so on Saturday morning, we made the three hour drive to Mom and Dad's for the weekend.



He did just great in the car, and in fact sang, "Lexi, konjo! Lexi, konjo!" most of the way there, which I must admit did get a bit tiresome to the occupants of the front seats. Lexi is my youngest brother Seth's daughter, and "konjo" means beautiful, so I guess that means that he was excited to see her again!



As soon as we got to Mom's, he dashed into the house passing out hugs to everyone, and that was the start of a truly great weekend. He got to swim in Grammy's "big woha" and play with lots of cousins. Mom and Dad currently have 11 grandchildren ages 8-1, so needless to say, it can get pretty noisy around there when the whole family is together, and I say "currently" because there are two more due at the beginning of next year! It was so great to finally introduce him to the remainder of my family, and he loved seeing Shana and Mimi again too. He just adores Shana, and submits to quite a bit of mothering from her! Of course, he bosses her around too, as evidenced by this photo!


My youngest brother Seth, his wife Casey and their two children spend every weekend at Mom and Dad's house, so Yikealo got to spend lots of quality time with their son Zavier, who is 2 1/2. The two of them are hysterical to watch! They weigh exactly the same, although Zav is a bit taller, and their coloring could not be more different. They are both "alpha males" who are very used to getting their own way, so they got a bit irritated with each other from time to time, but for the most part got along very well. Zavi followed "Yee-kee-kay-lo" around EVERYWHERE and giggled at and imitated EVERYTHING that he did. They'll probably get to spend many weekends together over the next few years until Seth finishes pharmacy school, and I hope that they get to be great friends.



Among other delights, he enjoyed time on Grammy's swing and he got to meet some alpacas down at my Uncle Randy's house.



The best part of the weekend in Yikealo's eyes was undoubtedly seeing all of Papaw's tractors. He got to take several rides in the Gator, or "alligator" as Zavi calls it, and when we visited the farm, he could not move fast enough from one huge piece of equipment to the next. He been talking non-stop about Papaw's "BIG tractors" ever since we came home.





I was the most concerned about bedtime, and wondered if Yikealo would get upset about not being at his house, but he did just fine. He thought that it was a great adventure to sleep on Grammy's floor (at the foot of our bed), and never fussed once about going to bed.


Now for the part of the weekend that I probably should have thought through a little more: about three or four weeks ago, we were adopted by a stray cat. She just moved onto our front porch and took over, no doubt encouraged by the fact that David and Yikealo fed her often. David named her "Barnacle" because of the way that she stuck like glue to the porch, and we started calling her "Barney" for short. She was a very sweet, friendly little thing, but I'm already allergic to the two cats that we have, and I really did NOT want another one. When Mom told me that Casey was wanting an outside cat, I thought we'd found the perfect solution, so we put our cat carrier in the back seat and hauled Barney out to Mom's house on Saturday. The problem arose on Monday evening when Casey loaded Barney into HER van, and we drove an empty cat carrier home. Yikealo hadn't paid all that much attention to Barney, so I hadn't thought to explain the situation to him. Apparently, that was a mistake, because he was pretty upset that Barney wasn't coming home with us, and she was the very first thing on his mind on Tuesday morning when he woke up, "Ababa, Barney outside?" He asks about her several times a day and prays for her every morning. When I say that Barney is Casey's kitty, he'll look sad and reply, "No! Yikealo's kitty!" After I explained that he already has two kitties, he's finally agreed to share Barney with Casey. Ummm....sure, I guess that we can "share" Barney....especially since she now lives two hours away from us!

What could it hurt.....?

The problem with rhetorical questions is that they typically only get answered when negative things happen. Pandora only found the answer to "what could it hurt to open this box?" after all the evil had escaped and manifested itself on the world. Lot only found the answer to "what harm could come from selecting the greener pastures?" as he watched his home destroyed and his wife turned to salt. I should have known better than to ask myself "what could it hurt to let Yikealo play in the car while I sit on the porch and have my devotions?"

These were the thoughts running through my mind as I stood watching my car's engine gasp and shake.... in my Sunday best.... in the church parking lot.... on the hottest day of summer. (Those of you who know me are probably asking yourselves: "David, what were YOU doing with your car hood up?!" Don't worry, I didn't do it. Several beneficent Brothers were kind enough to help me out - I was just watching).

As it turns out, Yikealo had turned the lights from "auto" to "on". This is not something you notice on a bright shiney day. You would think that the frantic "dinging" that announced our exit from the car would have alerted either Larisa or me to the situation. You would think...turns out my ignorance of all things automobile is not always bliss.

This is what I now know about cars:

1. When the lights are on for 4 hours in 90 degree weather, the battery dies.
2. When the battery is dead, the computer forgets everything.
3. When the computer has amnesia, the car won't start immediately when you connect jumper cables. You must let the computer charge up just a little.
4. When barely charged, the computer "remembers" how to start the car, but, apparently, still "forgets" how to manage the engine and the throttle.
5. While the computer has engine management amnesia, the whole car shakes.
6. While the computer has throttle amnesia you cannot go above 5 mph on a straight-away and cannot climb hills at all.
7. Letting the car run for awhile, turning it off for 15 seconds, and then restarting helps the computer "remember" more.
8. Your "service engine soon" light doesn't come on when the battery is dead.
9. Your "service engine soon" light does come on before the computer remembers much else.
10. Your "service engine soon" light goes back off if you ignore it long enough and the problem was that your battery was dead but is now charged again

All this newfound knowledge still doesn't help me with the panicked question: "how does a dead battery make my entire car shake when I restart?!" However, it does go a long way towards answering "what could it hurt to let Yikealo play in the car while I sit on the porch and have my devotions?"

143,000,000 Orphans

I recommend that everyone check out the video from Loving Shepherd Ministries that we have posted on our sidebar. I cried the first time that I saw it. It really brings home the realization of just how MANY orphans there are in the world, and I feel so thankful that God convicted us to provide a place for one of them. At least this one is no longer homeless!


For those who don't know, Loving Shepherd is a wonderful, Christ-centered organization whose mission is to advocate for orphaned and abandoned children around the world. They are involved in a number of different ways to help orphans, and while they are not an adoption agency, they are an invaluable resource to prospective adoptive parents, by providing information about adoption specifically tailored to each family. We found that they were absolutely great to work with when we were first beginning to do our own research last fall.
You can check out their website at: http://loving-shepherd.com/.

Better and better

Everything is still going REALLY well - in fact, it just gets better all the time. Yikealo is such a sweet little boy, and David and I are irrevocably in love with him. It's amazing to both of us how smoothly he has transitioned to his new life - and he is just so OURS! I honestly can't imagine a child more suited to our lifestyle and personalities, and God certainly knew what he was doing when he put Yikealo in our family. My parents visited last Friday, and my Dad made the same comment about Yikealo seeming just perfect for us.

He takes so much delight in the simplest of things. He loves to go grocery shopping and gets so excited about every single thing that we put in the cart. And then there are ice cream cones - the ultimate in pleasure!



He loves to know that things are his, and he's constantly asking about various things around the house. For example, when I fold laundry, he likes to sit on the bed and ask about every single item of his clothing: "Mom, shirt yenna no?" Me: "Yes, Yikealo, it's yours." Yikealo, with a big smile: "Thank you!" Then he generally needs to hug the item in question. My Dad is a farmer, and knowing Yikealo's fascination with vehicles, he brought a stack of farm magazines for the boy last Friday, which pretty much sealed Yikealo's affection for his Papaw! I am no help whatsoever in telling him what the various pieces of machinery in the photos are called, but he loves to look through them, and he continually wants to have it confirmed that they are his.



Of course, he still likes to "borrow" our clothes too. Every Sunday morning after he is dressed, he grabs one of David's ties and keeps himself entertained for at least 15 minutes by tying it intricately around his neck. Last Sunday while he was checking out the results in the full-length mirror in his room, I walked in to do the same with my outfit. When he saw my shoes (pink and white gingham high heels) his eyes lit up, he sucked in an awe-struck breath, and immediately claimed my shoes for himself! Ummmm....I think we might need to work on your sense of style, buddy!



Today, in the back yard, he became enthralled with the texture of the bark on one of our big maple trees, and he wanted to know if the tree was his. When I said that it was, he kissed it.



He no longer minds affection between David and I. In fact, last week when David kissed him goodbye before leaving for work, he told him to "Kiss Amama too." He's also okay with letting me out of his sight for brief periods of time during the day. During the last few weeks, he's begun allowing me to go to the basement by myself to start a load of laundry, and he'll sometimes play outside or in the garage by himself for a bit. He's finally realized that I'm not going to disappear if he's not with me every second.

Last Saturday evening, we had family night at David's parents' house, and for the very first time, Yikealo really engaged in play with his cousins. Every other time he's been with them, he's pretty much ignored them, but this time, he played in the basement with Cole and Quinn and then wrestled around with Clint and Abby and they all chased each other around and around through the living room and dining room. It was loud and wild and fairly obnoxious, and....SO good to see! James and Susan enjoyed it too, because it was the first time that their kids had obviously enjoyed playing at Grandpa and Grandma's house since Mark and Julie's family moved to Atlanta two and a half years ago. Yay! Another cousin their age!



This morning, while Yikealo was splashing around in the bathtub, I heard him start talking, so I peeked around the corner to see him staring his rubber ducky sternly in the eye. Here was the "conversation":
YIKEALO: Listen, ducky! Potty?
DUCKY (in a high-pitched, squeaky voice): No potty.
YIKEALO: Okay, shinte pants, AYDELEM. Shinte pants, Yikealo MAD! Shinte, say "Yikealo, potty!" Okay?
DUCKY: Okay, Yikealo.
YIKEALO: Good job, Ducky!

I cracked up laughing at that point, and he looked up and grinned at me, and then told me, "Ducky good job, Mom!" Then he held out his water-filled duck and wanted me to make the ducky go potty, so I dutifully emptied Ducky into the toilet, while Yikealo praised, "Good boy, Ducky!" Can you tell this is a very familiar topic of conversation around our house? Hey, at least I know he's listening!

Here was his prayer at lunch today: "Dear Jesus, thank you for Amama, for Ababa, for photo (camera), for wetet (milk), for sandwich, for phone, for medicine, for Jesus, AMEN!" Then he wanted to "Pay more" (pray again - specifically his bedtime prayer) so we said "Now I lay me down to sleep" before eating our turkey sandwiches. I guess we will be "laying us down to sleep" for our afternoon nap shortly!

Ethiopia Trip - Day 6 (July 2)

Our last day in Ethiopia was so bittersweet for me. I was looking forward to being home again, and I was absolutely LONGING for a long, hot shower during which I didn't have to worry about keeping my mouth closed tightly for fear of ingesting some horrible contaminant. I was ready to be a family of just the three of us - our travel group was full of really wonderful people, but it's not the easiest thing in the world learning to parent for the first time while continually surrounded by lots of other parents!

On the other hand, I was just not feeling ready to leave Ethiopia, which really surprised me. I just didn't feel like I'd had enough time to soak in my son's heritage, his people, his language, his country. I wanted to stay longer, to talk more with the people at Hannah's Hope, to spend some time there on a "normal" day, when there weren't lots of American families coming and going. David and I agreed that we wanted to spend a few hours just "taking it in" and letting Yikealo be with his friends one last time.

First, though, we had breakfast down in the lobby with several of the other families, and David kept Yikealo entertained for quite some time by helping him ride the exercise equipment.

Afterwards, we walked over to Hannah's Hope. I took a lot of pictures and video that day, very conscious of the fact that it was Yikealo's last day in his home of 4 months, but I can't post a lot of the pictures, as they show children who haven't yet come home to their forever families. This first photo is of Tomea opening the gate for Yikealo to enter one last time.

After kissing Tomea good morning, Yikealo took off running down the path toward "his" house, arms thrown open as various little boys "doing their time" on the potty chairs began shouting "Yikealo!!!" in their high-pitched voices. He only wanted one person, though, and when nobody could tell him where Alem was, he went searching for her himself, squeezing past a potty to get into the house.

She wasn't inside either, but someone else had alerted her to Yikealo's presence, and when he came back outside, she was running toward him. Here is a video of their last greeting - I think that it really shows the affection between the children and their special mothers - followed by footage of Yikealo attempting to take over a school session for some of the older children!

After hugging Alem, Yikealo ran all over the place, showing EVERYONE his new "tiger" backpack and his photo album of his new house. He handed out granola bars that we had brought to all of the children and special mothers, and gave out lots of kisses to the potty chair brigade.



He barged repeatedly into Almaz's office, interrupting her final meetings with other families, and trying to get her attention. She just laughed it off and told us, "He thinks this is his office - he is in here every single day trying to be my boss, but he's really a good boy. You know, he acts all rough, but he has so much love in his heart!" That is SO true, and we've been blessed to be the recipients of that love every day since. Then she looked at us with a sly smile and added, "I think that he needs a brother or sister, but just make sure if you do this again, that he is still the oldest so that he can still be the boss!" We just laughed exhaustedly and told her that we needed to get used to having one kid first!

At some point, while running frantically around, Yikealo managed to confiscate a harmonica from one of the other children, and spent over an hour blowing in and out, in and out, in and out until I thought I was going mad. He eventually threw up from the constant deep breathing, at which point we finally managed to "lose" the toy. Almaz laughed about that too, and said, "That is a good example of why we want people to think before they send donations. Some well-meaning soul sent us a box of about 40 harmonicas, and I spent WEEKS surreptitiously stealing them back from all of the children."

While David kept his eye on the boy, I walked around taking pictures of Hannah's Hope, specifically the house where Yikealo had lived: the room with rows of cribs and two alphabets painted around the walls,



looking out into the courtyard where one of the special mothers was busy spoon-feeding several toddlers at once,


the bookshelf full of lined up pairs of little shoes,


the many bunk-beds in Yikealo's room (his was the bottom bunk at the far end of the room just to the right of the center of the photo),


and the staff eating area/all-purpose room.


I finally found the place where most of Yikealo's referral photos had been taken, so of course, we had to take a picture of him in that spot. Here they are - a photo from March, followed by one from July.


I could not keep the tears from falling as I walked around that amazing place: tears of joy and thankfulness for the incredible love and care that my son had received at the hands of those people, and tears of deep sadness and grief for the loss that Yikealo was about to face yet again in his young life. I had watched Almaz tell him several times that he was going on an "ah-row-puh-lan" (airplane) to America with his new Amama and Ababa, and he always nodded and said, "Eh-shi" (okay), but how could he possibly understand? Did he have any idea whatsoever that he would probably never see these people again? As we stood in the courtyard, we saw a new little girl arrive at Hannah's Hope. She looked so sad, so haunted somehow, and she reminded me so much of some of those first pictures of Yikealo - taken on the day that he had arrived.

What an enormous difference those few months had made in his life!

He loved these people so very much - was he going to resent us for taking him away from them?

We finally said our last goodbyes and thank-yous to everyone, and watched Almaz wipe away tears as she gave our son one more hug, and then we walked out of the gate, and back down the hill. It felt like the end of so much and yet the beginning of even more.


We had a few hours to clean up our room, re-pack everything and nap for a bit before having an early supper and leaving for the airport at 6:00 that evening. David picks up the story from there in his lovely post "The Longest Day!"

Our time in Ethiopia was an experience that I will never forget - heartbreaking, beautiful, amazing, sickening, eye-opening and earth-shattering all at once. It got my attention and has brought me to my knees numerous times when I remember the things that we saw there and the stories that we heard. The people of Ethiopia will forever be a part of my life, my dreams, my heart, and I have been blessed beyond measure by my short sojourn in their world.

One year ago...

What a difference a year can make in your life! It was one year ago today that God first got my attention regarding adoption. I know that many of you have heard our story, but for those who haven’t, this is how it all began.

During the months of July and August 2008, God began to show both David and I that He had SOMETHING that He wanted us to do, and we began to pray that He would lead us specifically to His plans for us. I was thinking that it might be getting involved in a local pregnancy center or homeless shelter for a few hours each week. Our lives had been greatly impacted by a Crown Financial small group Bible study that we had just finished, and we definitely wanted to spend more of our time “volunteering” for the good of someone else. I began praying very specifically each morning during my devotions that God would show me what He wanted me to do. “What kind of volunteer work am I suited for, Lord?”

On the morning of Friday, August 22nd, I prayed that God would bring something to my attention that very day. “Maybe, Lord, You could have me meet someone at work today who is involved with a volunteer organization, or maybe You could have me hear a prompt of some kind on the radio today?“ The selfish, human part of me immediately began to put parameters on my request: “But what if I hear one of those heart-wrenching ads about foster care or adoption? Obviously, I wouldn’t think about anything THAT drastic. You wouldn’t let me hear something like that, would You, Lord?” As I tried to give God directions, I felt Him gently asking, “Are you REALLY willing to go where I ask, or are you just giving it lip-service?” I felt chastised, and answered, “Okay, I’ll just listen today, and I won’t put any requirements on this.”

That day was the second day of a new schedule at my job. I had started working evenings the night before, and therefore, I was to start leaving work at 4:00 instead of at 6:00 on Friday. As I left the parking lot that afternoon, the CD that I had been listening to in my car ended, and I decided to turn on the radio instead of re-starting it. The last time that I had been able to listen to WCRF (Cleveland’s Christian station) in the afternoon, they had been playing music at that time, but obviously the programming had been changed, because as I turned on the radio, Focus on the Family had just begun. Dr. Dobson started out by saying that the program that had been planned for that day was supposed to be someone talking about organizing your home. I thought it sounded extremely boring and was just getting ready to go back to my CD, when he continued: “However, we have decided to postpone that program. Instead, we are planning to replay a program that was recorded about three years ago when Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman came to talk to us about how the Lord led him and his wife to adopt a little girl from China.”

Those of you who are Christians will know what I mean when I say that it can become pretty obvious when the Spirit is speaking to you. I listened with a sort of fascinated dread as the program started, and I couldn’t stop the chills running down my spine as Steven began to talk about how there are 150 million orphans in the world, that 60% of Christian families have considered adoption but that only 2% of them ever get around to doing anything about it. I was absolutely horrified by those numbers, and I was extremely convicted by them. God had given us so much – how could I be unwilling to offer that to someone who had REAL need? I sat there with tears running down my cheeks, alternating between “How can I ignore this?” and “God, You’re joking, right? I realize that I’m feeling pricked by this, but You can’t mean me! I cannot believe that You would let me hear THIS after our talk this morning. YOU HAD THEM CHANGE THEIR PROGRAM ON THE FIRST POSSIBLE DAY THAT I COULD HAVE HEARD IT??! You ARE kidding, right?”

That evening, without really wanting to, I found myself asking David, “So…how do you know when God is telling you something or when it’s just coincidence?” I shared the details of the afternoon with him, expecting him to say something like, “Oh honey, I wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t think that was really meant for us in particular.” Instead, David looked very thoughtful, and said, “I just think that we need to pray about it. God will show us exactly what He wants us to do, and we need to be ready to listen.” His answer made me nervous, and I replied, “Well, I’m not going to think about it. There is NO WAY that we can have a kid. I love my life just the way it is.”

Yeah, well, once God gets your attention about something, He has ways of keeping it! It's a very long and amazing story, but for about the next month and a half, I argued furiously with Him - laying out all sorts of tests for Him to prove that He really had adoption in mind for us. He patiently answered each and every one, until it became completely clear to both of us that we were definitely supposed to adopt a child - specifically a child from Ethiopia, and we signed our contract with AGCI at the beginning of December. Eventually, we got to March, when we received the referral for a little boy named Yikealo - ONE DAY after the approval of our home-study. We hadn’t even heard the news yet that our home-study had been approved when Julie called us with Yikealo’s information! Looking back from this vantage-point, it is so obvious that God led us each step of the way, at exactly the right time to have Yikealo as part of our family. It isn’t what I thought I wanted, but I’m so incredibly thankful that God doesn’t always give us what we want.

May each one of us be open to God’s promptings and willing to go wherever He leads.